Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
