Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
