Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
so much tequila, so little girl.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
