I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
