just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
There r osticjed everywhere
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
