thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
