Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
