I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Randomize
