I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
