his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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