So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
