The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
