I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
