I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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