So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
