Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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