This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You smell like stripper and shame
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
