I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
