smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
