would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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