whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
