haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
