I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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