I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
