dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
