you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
