I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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