Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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