So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm always down for nudity.
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