I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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