Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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