good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
