I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
