Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
