The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
