"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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