Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
