Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
