and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
