Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize