I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
