I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize