I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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