You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
