"it" just moved
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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