remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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