I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
