We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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