I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize