Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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