Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
