He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
