I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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