So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
