I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize