I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
