You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
