If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
