i need an iv and a liver transplant
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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