Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize