Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Randomize
