Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
