I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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