I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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