Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
