Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
