I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
