Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
