Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize