Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize