I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
