just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize