We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish you could order shots online.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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