Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
