we're making bets on your personal life
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
